WHAT TO EXPECT AT MEETINGS

The first meeting can be frightening. You've already had the world torn from under you--the air sucked away from your lungs by the news that was given to you. It is not a thing you want to accept: someone you love is gone, not accidentally, not from illness, but someone intentionally took his or her life. It is a fact. Your loved one is gone. Now, you are getting ready to go to a meeting with other people who have survived the homicide of their loved ones, and everything is oh, too real. Why put yourself through that?

WHERE YOU ARE NOW

• You are in limbo, living day-to-day, minute-to-minute between calls from the police and Victims' Services.
• You are frightened every time the doorbell rings, or a car backfires, or someone looks at you strangely
• You are unbearably sad
• You are ANGRY
• You are tired, but sleep evades you
• You are driven to do...something/anything to make things different
• You are vulnerable to every inuendo, every whisper that someone might know something

WHY GO TO A MEETING?

What you face is increasingly common in our world, but that isn't a fact most people want to face. People in your WBM ( World Before Murder) feel sorry for you. But that doesn't mean they'll sit with you while you cry...or rage...or act insane. To do that is to let murder come close to them, as well--to admit that it could happen to someone they love. AND they'll offer advice--things like: try to put it behind you. Keep your chin up. You've been sad long enough. Maybe you should go to_______ for help. I was in an accident once and he helped me. Maybe the police are hiding something from you. You don't need to go to those hearings, it's just protocol. Sound familiar? You probably can add things caring, but unknowing, people have said to you. WHAT YOU ARE LIVING IS A HELL NO ONE BUT HOMICIDE SURVIVORS UNDERSTAND.

SO, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I WALK THROUGH THOSE DOORS?

You'll be welcomed...especially if you call a board member to let them know you are coming. It is hard to walk in alone the first time. You'll be given a name tag and asked to sign a registry. Why? We want to send you our newsletter. It has information on our members and upcoming events, as well as articles that may help you...and your loved one's name, both on his birthday and the anniversary of his death. You'll be invited to join our circle. We sit that way so that we all can be included. We go around the circle telling about our loved ones, the murder, the court procedure, difficult things we've faced that month or will face in the month ahead. We ask questions and--usually--one of us has faced that problem and may be able to help. Talking is empowering, but if you don't want to talk, just tell us that. There are refreshments, and you are welcome to help yourself at any time. Sometimes, we have speakers. These are people knowledgeable about subjects that affect us: police procedure, dealing with the holidays, prison life, court hearings, attorneys, etc. While you may not be interested in all of them, some of them will provide you with vital information You will be given a photo album page. We encourage you to make a page about your loved one to include in our FAMILY ALBUM. In this group a strange thing happens--your family becomes ours. Your child's face is precious to us, too.